What does it mean to be selfish? It means that you focus on yourself and no one else. Society teaches us that being selfish is immoral and acts of selflessness are becoming more and more trendy. There are thousands, if not millions, of causes sponsored by giving individuals. We are taught that the more we give and the less we take the better people we are. however, just like anything else, moderation is the key.

There are, generally speaking, three types of givers. Those who genuinely give to others because they want to (thus the selfless becomes selfish), those who feel obligated to "do the right thing," and those who unhealthily give and give and give. other than the former, the reason for these unselfish selflessness is due to an ingrained, subconscious impression instilled by an environment of hypocritical bureaucrats.

Those who feel obligated and are obligated really are the same. And if anyone voices this obligations, he/she are fake, but people aren't born fake, quite the contrary, the "smarter" man feels he becomes the more he tries to remove himself from nature. the problem with this train of thought is that man is natural and being selfish comes naturally. Not only do we have a connection with ourselves that we have with no one else, but selfishness (once again, in moderation) is healthy.

I call this form of "selflessness" that we are taught processed selflessness. Processed selflessness is man's attempt at bettering itself through the man made or artificial, but, in fact, is no healthier than processed foods, or artificial sweeteners. Sugar, fats, and nature are not only healthy in excess, but crucial to our very existence. But it's no surprise that man neglects it's emotional needs just as much as their physical. We naturally need to cater to our own needs and some needs are occasionally wants. If a person never gets what he wants, then he begins to neglect himself mentally.

These who understand that it is alright to cater to their own needs before those of another tend to live much happier lives. This doesn't mean to never help anybody nor never compromise. It means that a person has less to give out when they don't bring in first. If people learned to be selfish when needed and to love themselves, then they would be very wise indeed. Through dedicating time and care to anything, a person promotes growth. The more we grow, the stronger we become and the stronger we become the stronger we can help others to become. I have things I do that involve only me. These things do not involve my wife or my son nor my parents or friends. I take time to myself so that I can emotionally be more supportive to those that mean the world to me. It doesn't have to be anything fantastic either. Take some alone time to meditate, go for a walk, work out, read a book, or any other numbers hobbies out there. You could even try something you've never done before and who cares if you succeed at it or not, because you're not doing it for anyone else.

After filling these needs, you will feel energized and then, can dedicate time to others' needs. Help others because you want to! Turning a selfless act into a selfish one becomes so much more fulfilling for all parties involved. You are a wonderful human being who deserves to, at the very least, love yourself. When you learn to love yourself then you learn to be able to truly other others, and not before. Learn to understand your needs (communication), respect your desires, and trust in yourself.

"I often joke, half sincerely and half seriously, saying that if we wish to be truly selfish then we should be wisely selfish rather than foolishly selfish."
- Dalai Lama XIV

    Americans are all about value, but what exactly is value? Welcome to the land of the value, where everything is sold at half price and manufactured at half price too! Is it the Value Meal? Slap yesterday's grease preserved patty between two slices of cheese, knock off three dollars and we've found our value? White meat or processed chicken beak and feet? Everyone knows a value when they see one, but a value is not a value to everyone. That sweet ride that'll catch all of the ladies' eyes and leave all the jealous boyfriends behind to you may just be another busted-up, iron-wooled, vintage 1982 Schwinn with streamers to me. Values are, unfortunately, subjective.

    I do, however, believe that values go even deeper than a debate over where to eat, a five-star Iron Chef or the rundown Mexican operated Chinese buffet in the projects? Value is an embodiment of one's own worth. John Smith values his hard earned doctorates in molecular biology, Tom Johnson values late nights under the moonlight, Sara Stevenson loves going home for the holidays, and I like Piña Coladas. These sound like a cheesy dating service, but we can take away values from each of these. To John Smith, hard earnest work is a value. To Tom Johnson, preserving the planet is of value. To Sara Stevenson, there is nothing more valuable than her family. To me, more so than an old one-hit-wonder, I value living in the moment.

    So values are plentiful, but how are these values found? Usually values are instilled upon one through his environment, which greatly involves one's parents and one's religious background. Religion teaches us morality and morality greatly influences one's values. A Catholic Priest values a life of abstinence in dedication to his God, a Pagan Priest uses sex as part of his ritual and worship to the Gods. Western cultures teach that it is rude to make the slightest sound while masticating one's meal, where as in Eastern cultures individuals tend to shovel in their meals, sometimes without even breathing in between bites. But past all of these little trivial differences, at the end of the day we are all still human, and to be human instills a hard sense of value upon us. Man values the pursuit of happiness.

    "It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"
    (Christopher Gardener in the film The Pursuit of Happiness, 2006)

    The pursuit of happiness is the universal truth that connects all of humanity together. It is why communities are born. It is why, against all odds, man still hopes that tomorrow will be better. To find one's niche in life far surpasses the quarrels of religion, government, and even corporations.

    Selfish as it may be, everyone has the right to find happiness, and there's nothing wrong with that. I love my fellow man, which allows me to turn an act of selfishness into an act of selflessness. Making you happy makes me happy. It's this value of one another that allows us to promote happiness. If we help one another, we can make happiness very tangible indeed. My wife's selfish selflessness caters to my needs, which instills a sense of purpose in her and allows me to selfishly return the selflessness. Through our selflessness for one another we become selfish together, but we also find happiness in one another.

    The lesson at hand is to value your family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers. Value the human race, and we all can find our little niche, that piece of happiness. Greed hasn't worked out too well so far, so maybe we should try something new?

    "If we want to be truly selfish, then we should be wisely selfish rather than foolishly selfish." -Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama