A circle of people gather nude in a field. They openly talk about intercourse, at one point a man and a woman share a “sacred kiss.” Later they have symbolic sex using a phallic symbol. After it is all done they hug and hold hands with no regard for who is married to whose bare skin might brush against another, and all sit around a darkening sky and drink wine in celebration of what they have just done. Beautiful or horrific? To many pagans this might call up warm and kind memories of a ritual past, but to someone of another religion it might be one of the most scary things they can imagine.

It’s all a matter of context.

Part of what makes writing about pagan values is that there is so much context involved. Forget other religions, there is so much variance in pagan paths that what is a ‘normal’ ritual is a blurry line at best. Add to it great debates about what happens before and after the circle as well, with people wanting to consume alcohol, or to abstain, people wanting to smoke, and those who are offended, nudity, sexuality, drugs, language, children; the laundry list of issues goes on and on. If you were to get onto a pagan chat site I’m sure you could find within minutes someone complaining about someone else’s behavior. I have heard stories about drugs, groping, staring, lying, cheating, stealing; you name it.

Granted these are not issues exclusive to the pagan community. The truth is you will find these issues in most churches or private organizations on Earth. People are people regardless of their faith. Perhaps the most visible and as close as we can get to universal values of the pagan community is the desire not to be judgmental.

Most pagans pride themselves on being able to take a long perspective when it comes to human behavior. ‘And it harm none, do what thou shalt’ is a saying that, follow it yourself or not, is part of the fabric of pagan thinking. It’s in part at least what influences our desire not to be judgmental of others. Our pagan thinking also has a bit of a hangover from the Sixties. While the seeds of modern paganism were planted earlier, they burst forth in the summer of love. Free love, mind expansion and don’t trust anyone over forty are still with us, even as many of the pagan elders sport more than a fair share of gray.

But if being non judgmental is as close as we get to a universal pagan value, what then might be considered the closest thing to a universal vice?. There is always a dark side to everything, and by examining our shadows we tend to learn the most. I think it is fair to say that in our pursuit of not being viewed as judgmental, we may well have created a culture of silence. What do I mean when I say a culture of silence? For that I am going to look outside of our religion.

For years the Roman Catholic church had in its ranks known sexual offenders, most famously pedophiles. The offenders got away with many things for many years because it was ‘wrong’ to make such accusations against ‘men of god’. Victims were silenced, usually though huge and intense pressure. Eventually enough voices were heard that the church had to take action. But the actions were to further the cover ups, and to move the offenders to new churches in new communities. The reasons they were moved were not explained to the people in the place they were being moved to, and if they transgressed again, the cover up was quashed more, and the offender moved yet again. I have heard many pagans rail against the church for these actions, and a few have cursed the name of Pope John Paul II, as the man who let it happen.

Yet in the pagan community, we are all viewed as priests and priestesses, and many times we may have witnessed offensive, negligent or even criminal behavior on the part of other pagans. Yet, I know for a fact that rather than making an accusation or talking action, rather than risk being seen as judgmental, people have covered up, excused or minimized the actions of other pagans. And, let me be clear, complaining in a chat room days or weeks afterwards does not count as speaking out. In the worst case scenario, we are the victims and yet we remain silent still, out of fear, or peer pressure. We have in our quest for non judgment, created and endorsed a culture of silence ourselves.

Suppose you are allergic to peanuts; it’s a common enough thing these days, I have a dear friend who would die from exposure. Being aware you are allergic, and that deaths have occurred in others, you decide that peanuts are evil and should be banned. Peanut plants should be poisoned and destroyed. Sale of peanuts should be illegal. If a cookie with a peanut makes you ill then it should be called attempted murder. Distribution of peanuts should be a crime. Unreasonable? Yes. Absurd? Yes. Judgmental? YES!

Being judgmental is the unreasonable bias against something, and the effort to control that thing in others based on nothing more than your unreasonable bias. It might be skin color, ethnicity, the fact that someone smokes, or drinks. The world of the unreasonable is nearly infinite.

But if, knowing you are allergic to peanuts, you avoid products labeled as containing peanuts, if you pass up a cookie because it might contain peanuts, or even request that others who are not allergic avoid bringing a passing dish with peanuts to a function is not being judgmental, it is using good judgment.

There is a difference between being judgmental and using good judgment.

We speak so much of empowerment in the pagan community; women should be empowered, children should be empowered, families should be empowered, and in the greater world our community should be empowered. Yet we are failing to grasp the basic plank of empowerment, which is the ability to make choices. Choices cannot be made without using judgment. Using judgment, simply put, is the analysis of what is correct for you, and those you are responsible for, given a situation, and then the freedom to exercise your conclusion.

Suppose there is a situation where people are smoking and it is bothering you. If you say nothing you are losing your own power. If you scorn them and say nothing, or shout at them about smoking being cancer causing or disgusting you are being judgmental. Using good judgment you could ask them if they could move to another area, you could find a compromise with them, or you could even ask them if you can talk it out later. I have found that most people, no matter how outrageous they are in cyberspace, can be very accommodating if approached the right way.

Good judgment also carries with it responsibility. If we are to avoid the culture of silence we need to exercise personal responsibility in our actions. We have to be able to look at any event or situation and decide if what we want to do is appropriate. We have to make sure that we do not react to requests from others with shear resistance or rebellion. And most importantly we have to all realize that there are some things that are always unacceptable, like giving illegal substances to minors, or sexual assault. We can never tolerate silence in those situations, and must always speak out loudly and more importantly take action.

I realize I am going the long way around, and may have lost a few of you along the way so let me bring myself and you back into focus. If we act, or worse yet teach, to not be judgmental, without adding to it with the use of good judgment, we are denying our children, our students and ourselves of any empowerment we might have. If we choose to have one universal pagan value, let it not be the lack of judgementalism and its darker half a culture of silence, but let’s work to make it the use of good judgment, and all the balance we can create with its use.