“Your people eat each other...no loyalty, no unity”

The quote above actually comes from a “spirited” online debate about the recent California Prop 8 court decision, and the rest of the quote I could not use due to all the expletives. But in several days of debating about the first topic I would write about for this month of focusing on Pagan Ethics, the quote above immediately struck home.

Your people eat each other.

Back in “the day” I used to hang out a lot in the AOL chat rooms, specifically the Ask A Witch room. While even then I didn't consider myself an expert, I used to spend so much time there because in part I felt that I had to. There were movies like The Craft, and paganism and witchcraft were experiencing a surge in popularity. As a result there were a lot of new people, people who had just started, and were still finding their way. Naturally they thought a room called Ask A Witch would be a great place to ask questions. By and large they were sorely mistaken. They had no way of knowing that the same questions were asked quite frequently. They had no basis to compare one author to another, and they certainly didn't know what a “fluff-bunny” was.

But more often than not what these new seekers found was ridicule, scorn and out and out anger. I tried to answer as best as I could, but often I was a voice in a storm. I would like to think that it was isolated to AOL, or the internet, or just to a few individuals. But often I am afraid this is not the case. If you have been in the community for any length of time, you will have seen it by now; the attacks on new people, the attacks on authors, the attacks on organizers, and lets not forget those fabulous “witch wars” we sometimes get when individuals decide to have their own personal battle. Is behavior like that a symptom of the pagan community, or is an aspect of some of the individuals in the community? If we are going to look at pagan ethics at all, I think we have to look at the dark side, and we have to look at our propensity to “eat each other.”

Paganism is filled with individualists. Don't agree with me? Take a quick look around and count all the Wolves and Dragons. For that matter also consider all the Dark and Shadows. Things that stand outside. Images that project being not of the normal. Now there are exceptions of course (I have the great pleasure of knowing a couple personally) but sometimes our most popular names form a community mythos. We are the outsiders, we are the loners, even to the point that we tend to think of ourselves as unique in a subculture that is geared towards unique individuals. But is this always a good idea?

I have often wondered how many of our attacks on each other is our own desire to stay unique. As the saying goes 'you are unique, just like everyone else.' It takes a certain type of person to find the pagan paths. You have to be willing to step out of the box of convention, and forge your own way. Certainly both our subculture and the culture at large values that sort of individual. We celebrate it, write songs and stories and of course movies about it. We all want to be Clint Eastwood, the Pale Rider sweeping into town, and asserting ourselves with blazing guns. The infamous gunfighter at his best.

In the pagan sphere, we fight our battles a bit differently. We use words, gestures, rumors, outlandish positions, strange garb and sometimes even magic to fight our battles. But the intent is the same, to be the victor standing on the field of battle, the bodies of our enemies before us, at least in a social context. We have rewarded numerous speakers, authors and personalities not by the value of what they really teach but often by how they say it. And then we follow their examples ourselves, staking our own territory, and our own claims, drawing the lines of our own battles. Yet ultimately who benefits?

Trying to make your own way in the world, and indeed to leave your mark on the pagan community is an honorable enough thing on its own right. Perhaps my analogy is wrong. Perhaps it is not the Pale Rider most want to be, but Strider. Strider, the loner, the outcast, seasoned in battle, comes to be the ruler of men, the king, the healer. This image might explain a lot about the motives of people. Who doesn't want to be the king, adored by people, feared by enemies, masters of all we survey? It would certainly explain why there is so much duplication of effort in the pagan community.

When I decided it was time to add my voice to the community, when I felt I had something to offer, and that I wanted to start writing Living Reciprocity, I had some options. The most obvious was to buy a domain, and install software like WordPress. It's cheap, it's easy, really it would take at most an hour, and I would have been up and running. But that is not the route I chose. I followed up on a call for writers on an existing site, Witchmoot, because one of the biggest things we do to eat our own, to destroy the efforts of others, is the duplication of effort.

Whether it is a blog site, a yahoo group, a web page, a gathering, a meetup, a ritual or something so large as a school or seminary site, there are rampant examples of duplication of effort. Now there could be many reasons for this from lack of awareness of what another group or individual is doing all the way to laziness. Put another way, it's the lack of willingness to fix or work on a project that you do not “own” even if it shares your goals and needs some effort put in to make it work. It is my belief that what we really seeing nine times out of ten is the Strider syndrome at work. I can do it better, I can do it with more authority, and better yet I will be the one getting all the glory. The lone wolf become king.

Rethinking Leadership

I can understand wanting to be recognized for your efforts. We all need those positive affirmations, that's a large part of why I started writing Living Reciprocity, to recognize those unsung heroes among us. It is human to want to feel important and needed. But there are times when you have to ask; what do I want to be recognized for? Real leadership demands that sometimes we understand that the best way to lead is to follow others on a quest for a larger goal. In the context of the example I used above, let's call this the leadership of Samwise Gamgee.

In the Lord of the Rings series, Sam was loyal, and steadfast. When you start the novels you may fall into the belief that he is just a follower, a drone blind to the service of his employer. But I think that we can all recognize as the story progresses, that Sam is showing true strength by supporting the huge goals of others. He is just as strong in character as Strider, and perhaps moreso than Frodo, and that Frodo would have utterly failed without him. What makes this leadership instead of “just” loyalty is that Sam does have strong leadership qualities in him. When Frodo is not thinking clearly, Sam uses multiple means of motivation to keep the quest alive. Sam is there because of his choice, not just because of Gandalf.

How does this fit into the pagan context? Simply put we must examine in ourselves the methods we use to express our desire for recognition, or to “be a leader” Being a leader does not always mean you are presenting the workshop, or leading the ritual. More often than not true leadership is expressed by masking sure there are enough chairs, by making sure the person hovering around the edges feels welcome, and by making sure you bring a dish to pass that the vegetarians will enjoy.

Outside a circle context, it might mean making sure a project does not overlap that of another, which takes away from both projects. It might mean that you take the time to recognize the efforts of another and thank them. It certainly means that you keep in contact with other pagans for the other days of the month besides rituals, or making sure someone without a car gets a ride they need. There are tons of examples, and I am sure you can think of more that you may be doing already.

You are not failing to be a leader when you follow the lead of others, you are actually building your leadership credentials. You can be a leader, and be an individual without working against the larger fabric of the community. And just as Sam became the Mayor of the Shire, your efforts too will be recognized as time progresses. Just be aware, just as you may have had to learn not to “eat your own” leaders, your efforts will also be attacked by others. Perhaps learning not to destroy other leaders in your efforts to lead yourself is the best example you could offer, and will make it easier on you to be a leader.

You will also be building a pagan community that is larger than any individual, and will grow stronger and most secure for the future generations that will come both by blood and by choice. By blunting one edge of the double edged sword of pagan leadership, this growth can be your legacy as well. Which seems more than rewarding to me.